I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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