I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
