Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
