its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
