He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
