3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
