Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
