I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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