a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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