I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Mom said you looked used
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
