she woke up with a sticky ear
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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