DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
