what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
