after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
