you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
how do you play pong handcuffed?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
