i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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