I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
