I met the friendliest cop last night
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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