were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
