i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
