Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
