Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
