my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
