I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
