I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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