Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
