After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
