he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
