I smell stomach acid.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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