As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
