Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
