i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
