He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
