You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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