i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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