If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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