just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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