How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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