Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
