It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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