A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
