would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
