I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
