So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
