Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
