she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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