did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
