You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
