With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
