They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
