I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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