mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
